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The big 23

2009-03-21T12:47:00.003-04:00

I am living at home (no legitimate complaints), cannot drive, still feel like a child, and -- won't you believe it? -- I am turning twenty-three in less than a week. Whaaaaaat.

And, in additional notes on craziness/out-of-body experiences, one of our clients is taking six weeks off from work to be a contestant on "The Bachelorette." The possiblity of marrying a complete stranger within six weeks notwithstanding, that is pretty exciting. Will have to pay more attention to current TV happenings.

Is it just me...

2009-03-03T23:05:00.011-05:00

...or is everyone around me feeling restless?

I have, of course, totally given up on reading that Chinese novel I said I'd read, mostly because I can't get my durn Chinese dictionary to work properly. I mean, what the fuck, you buy an electronic dictionary with pseudo-touch screen capability and you expect it to be awesome. And it was working for a few months. Blech. What a POS.

Anyway, I've given up reading the novel -- at least for now -- because, as much as feeling kinda/sorta intellectual tickles me, I don't think I've ever been too good at finishing non-required projects. "Non-required project" meaning anything I decided to pick up on my own, for which I do not need to answer to anyone in the event that I do not complete it. I'm very good at starting/becoming excited about new things, though. True story.

So! I've been feeling fairly grumpy the past few days. List of things with which I'm frustrated: having all of three hours at home before I have to go to bed (if I'm so lucky); the fucking L train and a crap-ass B42 bus; sub-par writing in reputable journals; reduced friend time; itching to go back to China; feeling as if my Mandarin is on the fast track to irrelevancy; trying to watch The Saltmen of Tibet in ten minute intervals; feeling like I am not doing very much in the way of contributing to the social good (this is fairly tied up with wanting to go back to China to do some altruistic but ultimately self-serving thing); questioning whether I want to stay on this New York City grind forever and ever (anyone else, however briefly, have romantic notions of living a more carefree life elsewhere, or does such an existence not, well, exist?); chronic headaches that occupy the space between my eyebrows; and, finally, generally not having enough time for myself, what with reviewing everyone's everything for every deadline imaginable.

I know. I have totally exaggerated my problems. I'm being a brat. My life is actually pretty good right now. I suppose it's always easier to complain. Yeah?

反正, I just want some more me time. And at the ripe old age of twenty-two, I believe I can afford some more self-centeredness. (Sidenote: I always find myself wanting to say something like 反正 while at work, but there's no real English word/phrase for 反正. "The point is..." comes close, but even that isn't nearly half as good as 反正. And yes, I know you know I'm Chinese.)

p.s. I got fringe-y bangs again and it was absolutely THE most stressful fifteen-minute haircut I have ever endured in my life. I kid you not. On the upside, though, I do look pretty fly. Not when I'm walking fast. Or when the wind is blowing. Or, for that matter, when I'm trying to do anything other than stand still and pose.

See? I can poke fun at my vanity, too.

Smell good just like some new shoes

2009-01-31T13:34:00.017-05:00

In light of how much I've missed academic stimulation (namely, a 6-hour avant-garde film course, classical Chinese with Xu, and the creative writing senior seminar) since I graduated in May, I've decided to do some reading during my oft-painful commute on the F'ing L train:

《兄弟》余华著

Oh, shit, son!

I've considered how clumsy I'll look -- thumbing through the dictionary, puzzling over sentence constructions -- but I'm legit excited.

You're not even real right now

2009-01-10T23:38:00.008-05:00

I met up with some of the friends I used to kick it with in elementary school. So surreal -- everyone looked grown, but more or less resembled the kids I knew when I was awkward (aaaand, let's be honest, kinda really unattractive). I'd like to say that we're all more or less the same people we were back then, but with the self-awareness that makes you realize you may have done some awful things when you were a child.

Example: O.E. and I recounted the string of events that pushed S.R. to move out of the neighborhood and leave the class. No need to repeat it here, I suppose. Suffice it to say that kids (...little monsters?) are pretty awful to one another. Our third grade teacher reprimanded the whole class and asked us how we felt about ourselves after the whole thing was over and S.R. had moved to Staten Island.

S.R., if you're reading this -- I apologize. Last night, while I waited (drunkenly) for my order of Pommes Frites (mango chutney, whaaat), I drafted an apology message to you on my phone. I will likely never send it, but for the record, I was mean because I had an impossible crush on you. Actually, I think I may have let on at one point and then completely denied my feelings when confronted about them.

Anyway, the night ended well. One of my elementary school friends DJ'd at the lounge, and over the music, he said "Shouts to all my P.S. 272 people." I totally "teehee"-d.

Whoever was left at 12:30 AM linked arms and danced together. We may have put our heads on one another's shoulders, too. LOL. Pretty cheesy, I know, but I guess I've always found a little sentimentality endearing.

I swear I had a better jawline

2009-01-03T02:16:00.013-05:00

Feel like I've been on a binge this entire week. Probably because I really have been on a binge all week. I'll try to stop tomorrow, though, because there's really no way I can deny hotpot.

Mmmm. AND it will be really cold/windy tomorrow, which means hotpot will be even more magical.

Also: I've been accused (more than once) of being the family alcoholic. Damn, son, seriously? Is it my fault that I can have a glass of wine without looking like my head will implode? My uncle boasted to an entire table of relatives that I really know how to drink.

Have not yet decided whether that is a compliment.

Am leaning towards "not a compliment."

Resolutions and such

2008-11-29T00:02:00.011-05:00

I write this because I have not written a Thanksgiving-style entry and Jae's post reminded me that it's never too early to think of personal progress. And damn, can you believe it's nearly December already?

I've decided to discard all resolutions involving dieting and losing weight because when I do resolve to do those things (as opposed to simply cutting a deal to eat well instead), there's always a part of me that feels guilty for not appreciating what I do have.

Yeah, I really did say that, and maybe I'm being egomaniacal about it. In any case, high metabolism and natural beauty are such arbitrary things, really. Not that I'm saying I have either, mind you.

Some goals for the year:

Appreciate things more: family, friends, Bighead, silly old dog, opportunity, health, comfort, other markings of a blessed life
Allow people to make second impressions
Be upfront about how I feel about others' crazyass behavior; stay mellow.
Shed some control freak tendencies, which means not taking myself too seriously while trying to be more spontaneous (and yes, I appreciate the irony)
Write and revise more frequently
Check off a portion of my long to-read list

Letting you in on "goofy"

2008-11-18T23:44:00.017-05:00

For some reason, this blog has become my silly-outlet. Maybe it's that I've spent too much time lately being serious (about landing a full-time position, about taking care of personal finances, about missing college life, etcetera). Maybe I'm just, well, more silly and goofy than we'd previously thought. Long gone are the days when I'd write about... well, you already know if you read my blog in high school, so no use drudging up old shit. For better or worse, I have become nicer and — dare I write this? — less judgmental. Some people might disagree, but honestly? What's all this talk about me being a hater? Is it so awful to have standards? If you have reasonable expectations of brands or films or people, doesn't that just mean you hold them in high esteem? Why shouldn't you expect the best?

Also, my dad just looked over my shoulder and said, "I guess with the internet and everything, the forest is better." Hehe.

I'm a fiend for you

2008-11-18T22:54:00.026-05:00

I know that it feels like twenty degrees outside, and that it snowed a bit this morning, but I'd still like to say that Red Mango's green tea froyo with strawberries and mochi is CRACK.

TRUE STORY: I'm salivating as I type this.

Momma Tang, O.G.

2008-11-17T14:03:00.008-05:00

When my grandparents (and parents and aunts and uncles) left for America after the Vietnam War, they managed to bring along some photos. They also carried lots of gold, but they used that to buy their freedom. My cousin Julia recently forwarded me this one:

There's my mom, second from the left, flanked by her sisters and sister-in-law. Damn, son, how FRESH does she look? And where the heck is the rest of her dress?

Julia also forwarded a... less flattering picture of me when I was eight years old, but that one's infinitely less interesting. Don't look for that here. Ever. Let's just say I was awfully chubs and, at the time, I thought a midriff-baring shirt would suit me. Haha, so yeah, I guess I've been vain all my life.

Lack of Mack, II

2008-11-14T21:16:00.016-05:00

Follow up on a previous post. Said friend has finally figured out how she will introduce herself:

"I've been noticing you noticing me and I'm giving you notice that I notice you, too. You wanna go half on a baby?"

In other news, I'm gonna hotpot tomorrow night. Who's bringing the bun bo Hue soup base? Because I can totally get with that.

Wait just a damn minute

2008-11-14T01:31:00.026-05:00

Sometimes I wonder whether it's possible for a non-minority to truly understand what it is like to be a self-aware minority. So self-aware, in fact (perhaps the proper term is "self-conscious"), that you do things worried about how others perceive you and, by extension, your race and gender. More on this ridiculous mindframe later.

I mean, there are minorities who do stupid shit. MINORITIES.
Example: the kind of Asian-American who, say, adopts accented English or does the slant eye for the comedic benefit of non-Asians.

I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to hold a fellow AA by the shoulders and say, "Please! For my sake, just STOP! You're destroying my image with your stupidass decisions!" Said AAs are being irresponsible and reckless and, well, generally horrible. Because, let's face it, as much as you shouldn't be expected to be a cultural ambassador, some fool will think you're a stand-in for every other person who physically resembles you. As if you (a single person! A negligible sample!) can represent the entire race. So all those years I spent just squeaking by in math and science, fighting to be assertive, and banishing any grammatical errors that could even hint at a non-command of English — my efforts crumble just a little bit, or a lot, because your dumbass thought you were being funny. Quit it.

Same deal for all you (male and female) feminism-wreckers out there. I only encountered it this summer, but I'm tired of guys assuming I don't know how to think just because they'd been surrounded by non-serious girls all their lives.

Always missing something

2008-11-13T20:56:00.029-05:00

More than what follows, of course, but these are currently top of mind.

Kickin' it with Bighead:

The second round of China:

Teaching during the second round of China:

Especially a child named 董迪:

Lanzhou, the gorgeous area in which these monks live:

Rooming with Liux, a fellow crazy:

Good times at Happy Ending:

———

And importantly, 公公 — who gave me my Chinese name, who loved China but didn't get to watch the Beijing Olympics, and to whom I did not get to say a proper farewell — I wish I'd kissed you more often.

♥ Charming commercials

2008-11-13T18:58:00.019-05:00

Not all of them come out that clearly, but they're still fantastic.

Apple, "Bean Counter"
Agency: TBWA Media Arts Lab

Avis, "Look Back"
Agency: McCann Erickson

Cisco, "Staredown"
Agency: Ogilvy & Mather

E*TRADE, "Bobo the Clown"
Agency: Grey

GE Healthcare, "Love Story"
Agency: BBDO

GE Healthcare, "Rucksack"
Agency: BBDO

Ocean Spray, "Immune System"
Agency: Arnold Worldwide

Pillsbury, "Home is Calling"
Agency: Saatchi & Saatchi

Tim Hortons, "Proud Fathers"
Agency: JWT Canada

Visa, "Derrick Redmond, Go World"
Agency: TBWA\Chiat\Day

Oh... for real?

2008-11-13T15:46:00.013-05:00

Know what I think is fascinating and terrifying and just plain silly? When people who you know are smart act like they want people to think they're stupid.

Hamilton is a top 15 liberal arts college. You had to have the grades to get in, right? So why all the fumbling and, "Uh..." moments? Is it so terrible to be serious about something? To that end, I'd like to ask you just one additional question. Are we still in junior high, when you were kind of forced to shun all geekiness?

I mean, I do recognize the risk of appearing too serious — some people think I'm a bit stiff and unapproachable, but whatevs, you just haven't seen my goofy side. (Hello, it does exist, believe it or not. Ha! Do I not giggle?) Anyway, my point: stupidity is not cute, and feigned stupidity is far worse. Please amend the situation, KTHX.

Whoa, almost hugged you

2008-11-12T13:47:00.025-05:00

During my sophomore year in high school, my friends and I could dance with each other in, um, a scandalous way. Now we can't even hug without feeling squeamish. Unless we were at Tuesday open bar at Happy Ending and drank like dumb biddies and we're about to leave the bar all smeary-eyed, blinking in disbelief at our own stumbling and sentimentalism.

Hmm. Different circumstances, I suppose.

We flirt with being feelings-friends, occasionally confront one another's sadness(es) via online conversations. Then we back off and pretend we never entered the emotions zone. What is that about? How do girl friends link arms and hold hands and be cutesy and tell each other they're beautiful?

Not that I ever really want to be a full-fledged member of all that. But still — feeling embarrassed about hugging (even a sloppy, half-hearted-seeming hug) is ridiculous.

...I'm just sayin'.

ZOMG tell me if he's looking

2008-11-04T14:09:00.013-05:00

An exchange about my friend's social ineptitude:

Me: Wow, where's your mack?
Friend: I dunno. Can I buy some? Where can I get some?